Years ago when probably in my late 30s or early 40s, I was exiting a grocery store one sunny Sunday in May when I was greeted with a red rose and a cheery “Happy Mother’s Day” by a smiling store clerk. I snapped back at him with a very indignant , “ I am not a mother” . He then said “ Well, you HAVE a mother… so “Happy Mother’s Day”. I countered with “My mother is dead”. His face fell and I stomped off to my car.
Looking back on it, I cringe at my behavior. True, I am not a mother , but that is a choice we made and I don’t lament it. And although it is hard in a society that glorifies the choice to have children to not feel an “outsider” on Mother’s Day, my indignant response to the clerk was wrong. Whether one has decided not to have children or one cannot or does not yet have children, one can still honor Mother’s Day . Many have wonderful even “maternal” relationships with their nieces , nephews or godchildren or even their furry four legged families. It is safe to say that we can be a “mother” to someone even if not a biological one. Indeed there are those like myself that have been fortunate to have had two mothers in their lives… aunts or grandmothers , cousins, or friends who have been there for us and “mothered” us lovingly. The clerk was right, we all have mothers.
But Mother’s Day can be a sad day for those of us whose mothers , biological or not, are gone. Yet their love still lives on and that is a testimony to the strength of a mother’s love: that it does live on in our hearts and is an active presence in our lives , even when they are not here.
This is the first Mother’s Day that I truly have no “mother “present and alive to call on this day and talk with, send flowers and thank. Even when my mom was alive, i recognized this day as a day to celebrate not only my own mom but my Aunt Marlene. When my mom passed, I was grateful for the relationship I always had with my aunt. My Aunt Marlene was always a second mom to me even when my own was very much alive. My mom was grateful for that and not jealous of it. She often remarked how thankful she was that I had that relationship with her younger sister and I am thankful I had a mother who was so generous in heart.
For me, I have learned that Mother’s Day is a day to reflect on all that my own mother taught me and gave me when she was on this earth and even now when she is gone, now almost 46 years ago. I reflect on her love, the joy she brought to life, her caring, her unwavering encouragement and delight in everything I did and her glowing praise and affection to me always.
I also reflect on Mother’s Day on all the things my Aunt Marlene gave me : her shoulder and ear always, her giving spirit, her unfailing inspiration ,even when she was going thru so much, and her beautiful laugh that could always make me smile.
I miss them both dearly and on Mother’s Day especially this year, I feel all over again that sadness of not having a mother here on this day that celebrates mothers. And if I am given a garden rose and greeted with a “Happy Mother’s Day” on the upcoming holiday by a well meaning store clerk, I will accept it gladly. I have been blessed to have had two mothers in my life and am thankful for the garden of beautiful memories that have grown from that love and that are always with me. And that gift is truly one to be celebrated.
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